Part-time anxiety issues

On some days, the slightest thing can cause me to feel major anxiety.

And yet, the same exact thing another day may not even register on my brain.

I don’t get it.

Last night I got so anxious that I announced to the family I was going to bed to read. It was 7:45 pm.

I didn’t even eat dinner. I just sat on the couch with a glass of spritzer and while I sipped and listened to them chat, I could feel it. The anxiety was taking hold.

Later, while the kids argued over kitchen cleanup duty (they always argue but they always (mostly) do it) there was a thing about a hockey tournament my daughter is attending today. (The tournament is a fundraiser and they were looking for additional girls to play as enrollment was low this year).

She didn’t appear on the team list on the website.

Her friend did.

I asked questions and since I’m not dealing with it, he said he’d call and do x and y after dinner and while he was running around getting equipment ready for her I felt it again. Stronger, this time.

Anxiety clouding my brain.

“What time does she start,” I wanted to know.

He said depends on which team she’s on. If she is on her friend’s team, which we requested, then they play at 8 am.

Which means leaving really early (especially because we have a major dump of snow requiring shoveling the car out of the driveway).

I said: “Why isn’t she listed yet?”

He said he doesn’t know but she is registered.

“How do you know?”

I just am this way. I want all my ducks in a row, all details ironed out…I can’t just not know and hope things fall into place at some point. That’s not me.

Anyway…I’ll spare you. I get anxious when this stuff happens at the last minute.

He saw my anxiety and said he’ll deal with it so I left him to it. I mean, he’s been coaching hockey for 10 years with the other kid so he’s better equipped to deal with whatever mistakes may happen than I am anyway…

I had to put it out of my head.

A lot of prep has to happen when a kid, who plays ringette, goes to play hockey. Ringette is a very similar sport as hockey, but it requires a different mask on the helmet, and she has to wear hockey pants instead of the standard overall thingy she wears for ringette. She also needs a hockey stick. A ringette stick doesn’t have a blade at the bottom like a hockey stick does…

Here’s what a ringette stick (and ring) looks like:

This is my kid a couple of years ago. See the difference?

To read more about this girl’s ice sport, click here.

Anyway. Her friend’s dad had some equipment she could borrow, including a stick, so when my partner came home with it, at least that part was dealt with. But the lack of her name appearing on a team list really had me upside down.

I left him to it. He’s the one who is available to take her and stay with her all day today, whereas I am not (I have a pre-scheduled appointment in the middle of the day).

But I tell you, the not knowing is hard. Not always, sometimes I am perfectly equipped to deal with stuff that comes up unexpectedly, but last night was not that time.

Ugh.

Anyway.

This morning, same sort of deal. He got her up and I made them both breakfast and a packed snack bag to take along. I didn’t even ask if she’s on the list, I figured, if he’s getting up at 6 it means she plays at 8 so why get into a long explanation of what he went through to find out when I haven’t even had coffee yet?

lol πŸ™„

THIS is how I roll, people. Aren’t I a hoot?

So they left at 7:15. I doubt most people will arrive on time, the snow is really high…the rink is about a 20 minute drive away which will be about double that time in the snow…

After they left, I started to deal with the sleeping teenager. I made him breakfast and realized once again his lunch bag was nowhere to be found. Instead of letting him get me anxious, I just left a pile of pack-able food on the counter and escaped into the shower.

When I got out he was washing his lunch stuff.

Whatever.

He left about 10 minutes later than usual, only because he came back in when he realized that wearing running shoes in a foot of snow on a not yet plowed sidewalk is maybe not the best idea…

Boys. Teen boys. I don’t know…don’t ask me… πŸ™‚

So now I’m not anxious anymore. I’m sitting here typing, thinking about making one more coffee, and then heading out to dig my car out of the snow so I can get to the appointment. The hospital is located next to a mall where I plan on having a sushi lunch after which will be my treat to me for having survived anxiety once again.

Right?

Right.

Happy Thursday.

PS – I just got the first of what will be several texts throughout the day. She is playing her first game, and is playing wing (forward). πŸ™‚

30 thoughts on “Part-time anxiety issues

  1. I have some anxiety on Thursday night as my Friday is very long and very challenging, often. By the end of the day, my back hurts and sometimes my ego is bruised. A good night’s sleep works and I keep trying to keep it simple but mostly I reshuffle papers and worry about things. Exercise helps and a slice of keto cheesecake.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your daughter’s hockey tournament sound as well organised as some of the karate tournaments my son competes in.

    I’m with you on wanting all my ducks in a row. Whenever we have anything upcoming, I can’t relax until I know that every eventuality has been covered.

    My partner is the opposite. This sometimes leads to clashes…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. With multiple kids it’s challenging those two personalities in the adults. Tell me about it! πŸ˜‰

      Yes it sounds like the high school girls who organized the whole thing did a fantastic job. I’m sorry I missed it but it was also nice to spend the afternoon window shopping by myself. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s hard, I know. As you get older it becomes easier to tune out the outside voices of other people but then silencing your inner critic is also a challenge.

      I hope you have someone to talk to. πŸ™‚

      Thank you for reading. πŸ’™

      Like

      1. The author works as a journalist for the Wall Street Journal, so she weaves her personal struggle with GAD into the research. It’s the first memoir I’ve ever read by someone with General Anxiety Disorder, as we often think of anxiety as just a sporadic visitor. I saw it on the bookoutlet.ca website for a cheap price if the library doesn’t have it. I like to browse there for discount books.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Simplify, Claudette. Simplify. When I get up, if I am breathing, my wife is breathing, the dog is breathing, and nobody scammed us out of our life savings while we were asleep, everything else can be fixed. Not worth the anxiety by placing too much importance on other stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve never heard of ringette before. Thanks for the link…I think I like the chanting aspect of it best. Seems like a great way to foster teamwork and unity. Or to send slivers of fear down the spine of the opponent.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The hockey kids use that chant too up to a certain age…maybe 10 or so? Then they all drop off.

      It’s fascinating to watch ringette. If you ever find yourself in my neck of the woods during the ringette playing season (Oct – March) let me know I can direct you or drag you and yours with me to the rink!

      Liked by 1 person

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