Rage, cleaning and crying

Today, I was drowning.

Suffocating.

This is a typical occurrence in January with this family in this house.

Can I move out? Is this possible? I could take my stuff and fit it in my car and leave them to the rest. I’d be perfectly happy with one of everything essential. Or even less than that.

I do not need stuff. I really don’t.

Anyway. My son is coming home from a school trip and in anticipation of this, I ripped apart his room this morning which took longer than I anticipated because of all the crying.

The stuff I should have gotten rid of (boxes and boxes of baseball and hockey cards, some from his uncle’s childhood, trophies and medals since age 4, photos and knicknacks, toys and stuffies…) I packed up and lugged up to the attic.

Our attic is accessible by a pull-down ladder in the bedroom on the main floor (we live in a teeny bungalow) and is basically like a crawl-space: we store seasonal items up there and..well, you know, assorted crap.

Crap they can’t part with.

CDs for instance.

TAPES. (we no longer have a tape deck)

Aviation papers that he did in school a million years ago and that are hand-written notes and out of date today.

Binders. EMPTY binders.

Anyway, I could go on but I’ll spare you.

I think I got a second workout in this week, after my bootcamp on Wednesday, because of my rage-cleaning. And crying.

Did I mention crying?

I was a sobbing, raging mess.

While I was doing the teen’s room, I closed the door to his sister’s room, which is opposite. I will deal with her another day. I don’t have the energy to cry for another three hours…

While I was doing that, I also had to do laundry. Since the dryer is not functioning I had to hang stuff everywhere. That adds to the clutter, right?

Pain in the ass.

Anyway, the ladder is still down, I still have two or three more bins of photos and binders and paperwork he’s keeping to stow away up there.

I am not going to tackle the lego today. I WILL NOT. That alone will be a project taking up a whole weekend.

And I will probably not keep it. Despite crying and carrying on by people who are not me.

Sigh.

For now, I just need to get all the stuff out of my sight. The attic is out of sight…

And by the way, if the bedroom ceiling collapses due to all the crap up in the attic, well, at least then I’ll have a viable reason to say:

THROW IT ALL OUT.

or…

I’m moving out.

SIGH

So how’s this for a Friday post?

 

39 thoughts on “Rage, cleaning and crying

  1. I had two wire closet shelves collapse last year after having really heavy boxes on them for 7 years. Yes, they were there for 7 years without me touching them. And there are no kids in our home. We’re going to be putting our home on the market this spring so I finally opened them up and am purging. But please…don’t wish your kids gone. They will be gone in the blink of an eye and then you will be in tears (again) because of it. Trust me. Been there. Did that. The tears because they were gone were far worse than the ones I shed because of their messy habits. Just sayin’…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s one way to end the week…

    That said, I’ve spent most of the day going through shelves and surfaces in the living room and quietly binning everything that is too old, too broken or too forgotten for anyone to care about.

    The amount of stuff that a family can accumulate realy is quite frightening.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Boy! That’s one heck of a Friday post. I could identify with you as you cleaned and cried. Being the mother of teens is not a breezy job. πŸ™‚ Glad you have one clean room. Clutter makes me antsy. I feel for you. Popping in to say hello. Have a great weekend. Smiles xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I understand too Claudette, and this is part of the midlife challenge – how to stay ‘you’ when everything has changed, possible some time ago but you’ve stayed in the same mindset, or living situation, or relationship when it doesn’t gel with where you need to be to stay sane. Not saying that last point is an issue, but you know what I mean. I would suggest, rather than simply moving the junk, you get rid of the stuff you are SURE about not wanting to op shops (second life shops). Clearing and cleaning and decluttering is a helpful mental health strategy. There are books about it! A close friend did a whole mindfulness series of exercises over a month-long period on it – you can probably google a keyword and find some advice. Sorry to read that you’re crying and upset, but it’s possible this is necessary purging for you to truly listen to what YOU need. Caring for others all the time is not honouring your ‘self’ and path. Maybe you need to find the middle ground.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I have often wondered if my bedroom ceiling will ever collapse due to the amount of crap in my loft. I have this mental picture of death by being crushed in my sleep by an almighty pile of trash (and a few sentimental items). For about the last four years I have been promising myself that I will clear it all out. πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I hear you Claudette, I glance around my home’s rooms and I see items I will hardly ever use again…… incidentally have you considered selling on eBay? You’d be amazed at the things people buy, I know Lego sells!

    Liked by 1 person

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